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August 07, 2007

IT85: The "X" in "Extra" makes it sound cooler

it85

There are more things wrong with this headline than I can comfortably quip about.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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August 01, 2007

IT84: In Soviet Russia, Blog reads YOU

You can tell this photo is from my backlog by the way that the photo clearly shows a Moscow winter.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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July 23, 2007

IT83: Backlog Kills Timeliness

it083

Insert Obligatory George Allen Joke Here

Inappropriate Thoughts

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July 16, 2007

IT82: Let the "Beating Around The" jokes begin

it82

I hear that happened to Moses once.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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July 09, 2007

IT81: Big Brother Is Watching YOUR MOM

This news from Sony, already famous for creating the Camcorder NightShot feature, best known for the fact that under the right lighting conditions, it can show you your subject's nipples.

it081

Pervs.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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July 02, 2007

IT79-80: The Face of D'oh

[1 point]

Because this one is so cheap, I'll give you a double-dose.

First, I just really like how it appears in this news snippet that Bush's reaction to Congress growing some ethics is the pouty-face look.

it79

I think Google News must have some sort of clever algorithm for deciding which President Bush Expression to assocate with each article, because this one threw up the same image:

it80
Someone needs to tell President Bush that there aren't 20,000 billion people in the army. Or, indeed, anywhere.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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June 25, 2007

IT78: Peace in our time

it78
Don't cry Condi: There's still North Korea.

Actually, I don't think her sad expression is the fault of finding out that the middle east doesn't enjoy endless and senseless war. I think it's something simpler:

I think she went momentarily dyslexic and thinks the headline was "Peace: Whole of mideast wants Rice"

Inappropriate Thoughts

By Ross at 01:56 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

June 18, 2007

IT77: David Hume Could Out-Consume...

IT77

This is one of three things the Democrats are skeptical of: Secondly, they're skeptical that he had an old Iraq plan. And thirdly, they are skeptical that President Bush's "pouty face" routine is really sincere.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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June 11, 2007

IT76: It's not a horse, but it'll do

it76

Once again, the US Border Patrol proves itself invaluable in the fight against the zombie apocalypse.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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June 04, 2007

IT75: No, wait, that's the Super Adventure Company

Today's IT will be a fairly lame South Park Reference. Sorry. Been busy

it75

Their first tragedy was, of course, the tragic death of Chef.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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May 21, 2007

IT73: Snidely Wiplash, unhand that horse!

it73

Police are still seeking the alleged culprit in the case, described as wearing a black cape and top hat, twirling a handlebar moustache

Inappropriate Thoughts

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May 14, 2007

IT72: It's Made Out of METAL!

it72

A PEN that's made out of SOLID METAL? And instead of ink, it leaves a trail of metal residue? AMAZING! No. Wait. Isn't that what us old-timers used to call a "pencil"?

Inappropriate Thoughts

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May 08, 2007

IT71: Once again, I welcome our new mouse overlords

Seems like every few months, we discover a way to accidentally let rodents take over the world. Hm.

it71

1: We can rebuild this mouse. We have the technology. We can make it stronger; faster; better.
2: I for one welcome our new mouse overlords.
3: (For the image)Hiya skipper! Looks like you're trying to do some genetic augmentation! Would you like me to open the Microsoft Gene Splicing Wizard?

Inappropriate Thoughts

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April 30, 2007

IT69: Via Time Travel

Okay, so I just noticed that what with my blog crashing all around me, I skipped ahead a number last week. Bending the space-time continuum, I now bring you the missing episode. IT71 will appear as expected next week, and IT72, as a result of my skilled manipulation, will appear on March 30, 1942.

it69

And now we see the root cause of the New York City ban on using a certain racial epithet.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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April 23, 2007

IT70: It's Sac-ri-licious!

YHWH, if you've got something to say, why don't you share it with the whole class?

Inappropriate Thoughts

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April 16, 2007

IT68: You Sunk My Battleship!

IT68

Is it just me, or is salvo possibly the most unfortunate word choice evar?

Inappropriate Thoughts

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April 09, 2007

IT67: The Battle of Waterloo

it67

Next week, ABBA stares down Hummus.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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April 01, 2007

One IT To Rule Them All

Today's IT comes to you from the "Internet Adverising Leads To Funny Juxtapositions" department.

it066

If this medium was ammenable to my doing my GWB impression, I'd say "One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them. *snicker* *snicker*" in my Bush voice. Frankly, the punch lines for this one are endless, but the funniest ones are all sound-gags, based on associating your choice of politically important entity with characters from Lord of the Rings (Dick Cheney referring to Haliburton as "My precious" might make a good one) But since I can't, here's your punch-line instead.

Even Bush could not have anticpated Mordor joining the axis of evil

Inappropriate Thoughts

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March 26, 2007

IT65: A Spot of Bother

it65

Am I the only one who finds the word "spat" to be incredibly inappropriate in this context?

Inappropriate Thoughts

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March 20, 2007

IT64: Cruisin'

it64

You might think this is a funny juxtaposition of an article and a not-very-accurate keyword-based image search generated image. In fact, it's apropos. It's the last thing a Toyota sees before it's Found On Road, Dead. Have you driven a Ford lately?

Inappropriate Thoughts

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March 14, 2007

IT63: The Adventures of The Decider

As you may have guessed, I had fun with Google News a few months back and built me up a little stockpile.

it63

But he will be rushed into choosing hot, delicious apple pie. Mmmm.... Pie....

Inappropriate Thoughts

By Ross at 09:21 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

March 05, 2007

IT62: SNAKES ON A LOGO

A couple of weeks ago, the IAEA and ISO put forward a brand new symbol to makr areas where the danger of ionizing radiation is present. The new symbol is to supplement the classic black-on-yellow trefoil you so associate with radiation hazards.

Basically, it was felt that the classic symbol on its own did not really carry any semantic meaning: it wasn't clear from looking at it what it meant. The new design has been extensively tested on various groups to ensure that, at just a glance, its meaning is absolutely clear:

it62

If your ceiling fan starts dropping tapeworms on pirates, run like hell.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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February 26, 2007

Inappropriate Thoughts and the Deathly Hallows (Year 61)

it61

I believe "Summon Seattle Office" is a level 9 spell.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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February 17, 2007

IT60: Kent Brockman Reporting

Today's IT is brought to you by the fact that BBC News is reporting that "A Chinese company chairman has been sentenced to death for running a scam involving giant ants." Seems he rooked investors into sinking lots of money (About 3 billion Yuan, that's somewhere in the neighborhood of $400 million US) into a company on the claims that they were breeding medicinal ants.

I think the BBC has this a bit wrong. Compare their lead with that of Spain's EiTB: Chinese man sentenced to death for giant scam to breed ants. It wasn't the ants that were gigantic, it was the scam.

All the same, here's the thing that popped into my head:

I, for one, welcome our new ant overlords.

Inappropriate Thoughts

By Ross at 01:43 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

February 12, 2007

IT59: According to Bartlett

Senator Ted Stevens (R- Alaska): The Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

Nathanial Mayweather: These pipes are clean!

Inappropriate Thoughts

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February 05, 2007

IT58: Reading is Fundamental

it58

That page: the one that says "This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to actual places, events, or persons living or dead is purely coincidental."

Inappropriate Thoughts

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February 01, 2007

IT57: Pinch Hitter

So, I looked at the previous Inappropriate Thoughts on a computer with a bigger screen, and it turns out that the alligator in question is typing on a keyboard, and not savagely rogering an umpire after all. My bad.

As a result, I feel I ought to offer a free replacement:

it57

That is a refreshingly honest and direct headline. I just wish I could work the phrase "savagely rogering" into your replacement comment.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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January 30, 2007

IT56: And I thought Laywering Was A Rough Profession

I've actually got several friends in the insurance industry. Not that it's germane or anything. But I saw this a while ago:

it056

I'm not going to tell you what an alligator savagely rogering an umpire has to do with insurance reform. You're just going to have to read the article for yourself.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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January 21, 2007

IT55:Today I set my coat on fire. I was wearing it at the time.

Seen outside a Circuit City...

IT55

<Comic_Store_Guy_Voice>Worst. Mozilla. Clone. Ever.</Comic_Store_Guy_Voice>

Inappropriate Thoughts

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January 14, 2007

IT54: Suck that, Socrates

From google news...

IT54

They're Pro-Bush and Pro-Kerry at the same time? He's also accused of BLOWING MY MIND

Inappropriate Thoughts

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January 08, 2007

IT53: Would You Like To Play A Game?

it53

And in this corner, weighing in at 2.2 tons, Colossus "The Forbin" Project!

Inappropriate Thoughts

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December 27, 2006

IT52 Pickup

it52

Tallest-Man / Tallest-Man / Goes where only a -- Hey! Get your arm out of there!

Inappropriate Thoughts

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December 22, 2006

IT's a Wonderful Life

This Christmas season, I've decided to offer you a holiday twofer. And since I'm going to be out of town on Sunday, you're going to get it today.

I tried to come up with a good Komodo Dragon Virgin Birth joke, but they all seemed a little two obvious (except for "It's a Woodland Critter Christmas/Hail satan," but that's been done). So instead, here's something different.

(Via Google News)

Man, that isa downer.

And now, I unveil my new Christmas Carol:

Rudy, the blind old hunter,
Had a very shiny gun,
And since he lives in Texas,
He's allowed to have some fun.
All of the other hunters,
Quickly ducked behind a tree,
They thought that Rudy's laser,
Was going to cause a killing spree.
Then one snowy Christmas eve,
Santa came to say:
"Rudy, with your laser here,
Won't you lead my hunt for deer?"
But when the police found him,
They had to let Rudy go free:
Because the late ol' Santa,
Had also invited Dick Cheney

Happy Holidays. God Bless Us, Everyone.

Inappropriate Thoughts

By Ross at 10:52 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

December 18, 2006

IT L-1: Fortunately, my powers will protect me

Yadda google news yadda.

IT50

Man. I knew they'd pad the plot arc out, but am I really going to have to wait 23 years for the season finale of Heroes?

Inappropriate Thoughts

By Ross at 09:27 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

December 15, 2006

IT48: I do retort the 'solus' in thy bowels;For I can take, and Pistol's cock is up

No, you perverts. It's Shakespeare. Henry V, II.i

This one's early, because I've stockpiled a bunch of stuff that I want to use while it's still timely. This is not one of those things, but I think it's really funny and want to share it.

Anyway, snapped a picture of this magazine ad, and, despite the fact that it's sure to attract referrer spam like I wouldn't believe, I'm posting it:

it048

In the event that, as I grow older, I ever find myself suffering from erectile dysfunction, I do not think I will buy one of these. Because whatever it adds to the performance will be totally negated by the fact that I won't be able to open it without saying, "The secret compartment of my ring I fill with an Underdog Super Energy Pill!"

Inappropriate Thoughts

By Ross at 10:22 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

December 10, 2006

IT047: From the Department of Putting Things On Top Of Other Things

From Google News. Juxtaposition mine.

IT47

And the savage video game wars claim another victim.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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November 26, 2006

IT46: More than meets the eye

This is a clip from a commercial for Toyota's Hybrid Synergy Drive.

IT46

Now that we've got the hybrid synergy drive, our only energy crisis will be if Megatron steals all our Energon.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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November 19, 2006

IT45: Electric Boogaloo

Seen on the wall in a bar during Trivia Bowl XIII...

it45

They used to be contracted to the Harding Cream Company before they became a nut-free environment

Inappropriate Thoughts

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November 13, 2006

IT44: Still justifying the purchase of a cameraphone

Now, I don't usually go in for turning innocent phrases into jokes about the penis and testicles, but...

it44

Must remember to make sure to check that it's not a nut-free environment next time I enter an ice cream shoppe.

Also, can't you just imagine an alergy sufferer being wheeled into the hospital as a fleet of doctors shouts, "We need to get this man into a nut-free environment, STAT!"

Inappropriate Thoughts

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November 06, 2006

IT43: If you've got the crime, we've got the time

Spotted at the Arundel Mills Mall...

it43

I am in favor of any problem which has a panty-based solution.

Inappropriate Thoughts

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October 30, 2006

IT42: The Answer To Life, The Universe, and Everything

Seen at a haunted house in Hanover, MD. Incredibly fun time, my only complaint is the way they rush you through so you don't get to look at all the scariness.

I guess that's why they call them "scare quotes".

Inappropriate Thoughts

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October 23, 2006

IT41: Now officially over the hill

Another find from the bargain bin at Target:

IT41

Now that's what I call a "Party Pack".